I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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