It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
