he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
