While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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