flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize