billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i now understand why vodka
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
