Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
