Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
