I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
