If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
third nipple confirmed
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
