do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
