Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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