Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
