If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
