I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
