a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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