It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
