My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
