u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
