Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
