Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
