I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
