Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
