Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
