I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
