Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize