found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize