Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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