Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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