is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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