Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
