Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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