you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
