I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I deserve this hangover.
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