seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
