Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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