wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
