Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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