I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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