Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize