I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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