P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
