I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
