If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize