So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
