We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
