When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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