Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
