She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
