Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
