She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
