wat bout pragnant strippers??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize