I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
