Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
