I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
