Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
