JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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