i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
