so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
