who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
