You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
