I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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