Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
