so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
