she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
