why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
