you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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