fuck your aforementioned shoe
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
