pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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