u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
