I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
