If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
