you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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