Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
