Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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