need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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